The night I will never forget

My palms were sweaty like the perspiration from a glass of ice tea on a hot day and I was a bit shaky from the nerves. My mind was racing and winning the Daytona 500. Leanne, the dining hall boss, had just told me I had to share my testimony with over 600 kids that I had never met before. I have never been more excited; but my heart was torn, I was scared speechless. I thought about the hundreds of dance recitals I have been in; but somehow, it didn’t compare. I knew exactly what I had to say. How could you forget your life story? I wrote it down carefully as if I were taking the only notes I could use on an open-notes quiz. I was ready. My life was scribbled onto a fresh sheet of my green journal paper that still had the little frillies hanging off the left side.

It was only an hour until it was time for me to share. I felt as though I were waiting in line for a monstrous new rollercoaster on a hot day and every minute that passed, I would feel more frightened than the minute before. I was in a small un-air-conditioned room with 30 of my closest friends that were serving in different jobs around the camp; but we were all there to do the same thing: impact someone with the way Christ had impacted us. We sat in a circle; some on the comfy couches and the others on the itchy, hard carpet. They were keeping me calm and telling cheesy jokes to keep me from over analyzing and worrying myself over things that were useless to worry about. We settled down and rehearsed the songs one last time and though none of us were professional singers, it sounded as though the room was full of the joyful praises of the angels. When we were done with the last song, the silence was deafening and everything about that moment was as pure as freshly fallen snow at midnight. It was finally time to go to the club room and share what we had rehearsed with the campers. The campers had no idea what was going to happen next so we had to be as quiet as Jerry, the mouse, running past Tom to get the cheese without being caught. We waited outside the club room for our time to sneak in. We all sat in the darkness and enjoyed the perfect night. The grass was long, soft, and a bit damp from the bits of dew. Camp was a good 20 miles or more from any cities to pollute the sky with light so instead, God filled it for us with every star in the universe. The occasional shooting star across the sky wasn’t unusual either. There was a slight breeze that was a breath of fresh air in the choking heat of June. I sat by myself praying and admiring the stars to calm myself. My friends noticed me by myself and sensed my nervousness. They figured that the best comfort was a hand laid, and a prayer said. One by one, they came and prayed over me. It was the most humbling and beautiful thing anyone could ever experience. It felt as though God stopped time and the world around us so that we could experience a love out of this world. I shed a tear of joy as they lifted me in prayer to my Father. Suddenly, our boss broke the silence and the world around us was moving again. She called us in through the back door. It was red and a little squeaky which made it hard to be as quiet as we would have liked. My nerves immediately got worse but I was trying to hold them back; but like a little girl trying to hold back an excited hundred pound Labrador retriever, I could only hold them for so long. I was jittery to the point of not being aware of my surroundings. My friends had to nudge me on the shoulder to wake me up from this trance and make me realize that the line going inside was moving. On the stage, we set up the rows of chairs and benches and then it was time to quietly get in line next to your best friend just like we did in kindergarten. Then we filed in and got situated in our seats while we waited for the campers to come in for the surprise.

The campers drifted in slowly, some were crying and others praising God. Lives were changed and something bigger than us came in with those campers. When they were all there and sitting down we sang our first song. It was beautiful just like when we had rehearsed it. Now, it was my time to share. The seconds that it took for the microphone to get to me felt as long as when a teacher is passing out a test that you either failed or aced and whatever it is will determine the fate of your weekend. It finally reached me and I carefully turned it on and the light on it went from red to green. I looked out into the sea of campers eagerly waiting for what I was going to say, but all I could see was a bright white light shining in my eyes and a few black figures behind that blinding light. My palms were still sweaty and I was afraid that my voice would crack just like my thirteen year old cousin does when he tries to talk to girls. As soon as I opened my mouth, the words flowed swiftly and easily like a hidden stream in the forest; the Holy Spirit had taken over. I shared of my hard past with my earthly father and the suffering that came with it. I then told of the amazing love of my heavenly Father and how He changed my life and that He could also change theirs. I can’t quite remember the exact words that were said, but I know that the Lord spoke through me and that it had come out perfectly. When I was done, I switched the microphone off and the light above the switch turned from green, back to red. Suddenly, for whatever reason those nerves came back on me. My heart was heavy, and my body ached. I had given all of my strength and shared the deepest parts of my heart; parts that were life changing for me and that I hoped would be life changing for others. After one deep breath and the reassurance from my best friend sitting next to me, the Holy Spirit took that weight from me. It was gone and I felt as though there was nothing I could do to make this moment more perfect and peaceful.

Sticky Bread is YUMMY!

Tonight, Cave Spring YL was cancelled so I thought that having some friends over for dinner would be a fun alternative. I invited about twelve girls and only two showed up. I was actually happy about that - I'm not sure I even had twelve clean plates. I got to have dinner with two beautiful girls that I haven't been able to spend time with in a long time. We laughed, and talked about life and of course, ate good food (thanks for the AWESOME sticky bread Nicole!).

While this was just a laid back dinner, I treasured every moment of it. I have been struggling this first semester with feeling as though I don't belong and that I don't have friends; I have believed lies from the evil one. While thinking about the events of tonight my eyes are beginning to water. I remember that we were made for relationships.

Every page in the bible is full of people and how they are made for relationships. We were not only made for a beautiful and full relationship with Christ, but we are meant for loving and encouraging relationships with people around us.

Tonight reminded me of how the Lord has really blessed me with these awesome girls around me that are so fun and great to hang out with. He reminded me tonight that YL isn't just about the fun of club and the laughs, but the people that you get to laugh with and share your life with; the relationships that are usually deeper than the norm. It's beautiful; breathtaking actually.

Lord, you know me well and you know exactly what is best for me. I love you lots! May your light be shown in the darkest of places and may you be the center of the relationships we make.

Love forever, the daughter whom you love.

What Sisterhood Looks Like

At the end of senior year, just a few months ago, everyone had something on their mind. For most it was college and where they wanted to go in life and for others I think as far as they went was beach week (but that's okay, I was planning one too). I got to have a date with one of my best friends and it is one of the sweetest nights I have ever had. My friend is awesome. She is so funny, smart, loving, thoughtful, beautiful and so much more. She and I have "special" moments together. Moments that only the two of us would understand and that, I think, is what makes our friendship so great. Let me paint a picture of this cliche date.





It was a warm Friday and I was just getting off of work. I smelt yummy of course, like old, dirty coffee but i knew she wouldn't care. The date was at her house and the attire was a dress and cute shoes of course. I brought two pieces of red velvet cake with me; the perfect treat. When I arrived, I was greeted at the door by my beautiful date in a pink dress. She invited me in and onto her porch where we had a lovely setting. The sky was crystal clear that night and every star was visible. We sat on a blanket with a vanilla-scented candle in between us. In the background, of course, a picture of the Roanoke Star since we couldn't have the real thing because we were afraid of getting mugged or accused of being lesbians again..... Anyway, it was beautiful.





While eating our cake, we got deep into conversation. Not just the first date, surface level questions like: "Where are you from?" And "what do you plan to do with your career?" It's not like we met through E-Harmony or something. We started talking about the heart. I was worried about whether or not I was going to get into Mary Washington and what I would do if I didn't get in. She was hurting on a deep level too. The most beautiful thing is that when we were talking, I don't remember anything about the rest of my surroundings. For all I know, her dog could have eaten the rest of my cake. We were so connected by this outside force. I believe with all my heart that it was the Holy Spirit. We were laughing/crying (you never know which it is because we do both at the same time) together and we both understood the hurts that the other was experiencing. At the end of our date we wrote down the things that we wanted to get rid of; our yokes that we wanted to trade in for the Lords (Matthew 11:28-30). Then we stuck them in the fire of that vanilla scented candle. Our troubles were gone. We wiped away the tears and laughed at the picture of the star behind us.

Of course since it was the two of us together, the list that we put into the fire started to smoke and wax started going everywhere when we tried to fix it. By everywhere I mean, on the blanket (her mom doesn't know that it's ruined so this is our little secret), the plates, the forks, and the candle was ruined too... (her mom doesn't know that either).

Regardless, that was one of the most touching nights and I will remember it forever. When we were baptized with the Holy Spirit and became sisters, it was a totally new kind of sisterhood that I never expected; the most special kind.

I love you bestie!!!!

I've Been Humbled

I have the perfect view of the most beautiful sunsets right outside my window when I sit on my brothers bed. I set up our room so that when he's not staying here, I can use his bed to study on. but most of the time I find that I am distracted by the bright colors God used to paint the sky at dusk. In fact, I'm having trouble concentrating on this blog right now because it's 7:48 and the sun is gone and only a peachy-colored sky remains over the blue mountains.



I get told by at least one person everyday that I am small, tiny, petite, baby-sized... or however you want to say it but most of the time I just take it as a complement and move on. I like being small. For whatever reason tonight I feel extra small and I'm not talking about the 18 year old that can shop in the "girls" section in the mall or buy size 4 shoes or even the fact that I can take middle schoolers to Rockbridge with me and one of my girls is confused for the leader, and me for the camper. No, I'm talking me compared to God.



I feel like the sky is something that little kids look at and wonder about like "mommy! why is the sky blue?" but I've really been wondering; if the sky seems to be this endless mass of, well, space I guess, then how big is my God that created it?!

This always makes me think of the film "How Great is Our God" by Louie Gigleo (This is an amazing thing to watch. everytime I watch it I learn something even more amazing than the time before.) In the movie, he goes on about how BIG the universe is that our God created. Then he switches over to talk about the very small things that make our body work; also created by God. I think the thing that catches me so off guard when I watch that movie is the point that our God is so big and He created so many awesome things but yet, He cares so much about us even though we are imperfect and weak humans. What a caring God we have!!

Thank you Lord that you have painted me a beautiful sunset and thank you that you love me with an everlasting love.

Love, Lauren

me? blogging?! ha!

This is all new to me. The friends I met Christ with are only a phone call away yet, they seem so much further. Virginia Western is never what I expected. I guess you could say I like it better than I thought I would but it's just a completely different atmosphere than what I had at Cave Spring.

I can't seem to get enough of this school. I'm a freshman in college and right now I'm sitting in the cafeteria at the high school hanging out with one of my favorite sophomore girls. My mom just made fun of me but she doesn't quite understand my love for this place and my love for these students.

I was just thinking back to how much this place has changed. I'm not sure I could even express it in words. It's just like trying to describe how my brother has grown over the years. Yes, I can see that he is almost taller than me... but it isn't until I look back that I see how drastic the change has been over such a short period of time.

Freshman year. Must I say more? For those of you who remember... how awkward homecoming was or our first few campaigners where most of the girls there were only there to talk to Cliff. I was thinking about the lives that I've seen change in the past four years. And then when you look at the big picture, the whole community has changed around us. Cliff used to always say that our God is big so we need to pray big. He was right. Our God is bigger than I ever imagined. If He can use a handful of high schoolers to change the whole school of Cave Spring; to bring this school from darkness to light, then what's going to stop Him from conquering everything?!

Hope this wasn't too dreadful... thanks Kendall for everything! love you!