I Feel It Too

It's so easy just to tell someone that everything is great or you're having a good day when somebody asks you how things are going. Why do we feel this sort of pressure to act like we have it all together? To make it seem like we can do it on our own? Especially when we know that we can do nothing on our own; how prideful would it be to say that we could? (John 15 talks about this).



I remember a conversation I had with a good friend named Tim Henderson once. We were standing in the Junior hallway just before the school bell rang to begin the day. He turned and looked at me with sort of a forced smile on his face and sagging shoulders that told a story of hardship. He asked the same question that everybody asks when you talk to someone you haven't seen in a day or two: "How are you doing?" Of course you are supposed to respond with a positive "I'm great! How about you?" and move on as if all of that was just a computers automated response to the "How are you" button and not actually a real question. My answer was of course that everything was going well. I returned that same question to Tim and his response was the same. As soon as I heard him say that, I immediately felt fake; just like a robot with no heart. I turned back to him and asked him if we could start over. We both knew we had lied to one another about the condition of our hearts. Before I had gotten to school that day, I had a terrible fight with my father; I had been on the verge of tears all morning. Tim confessed that he was not honest either. On our way to homeroom, we were able to talk to one another about what we were going through so that we could be praying for each other.



I share this story only because it reminds me of how there is no real reason to pretend like I have it all figured out and that life is perfect. Who honestly has a perfect life? On that note, the hard times that we go through are all for a reason. Maybe the Lord is trying to wake you up and show you how much you need Him - tell someone about it. There is freedom in honesty. How is the condition of your heart? I want the honest truth.



Lord, thank you that you are made perfect in my weakness.



Yours truly, Lauren

There Aren't Even Words

Dear best friend,

I am reminded often that I am blessed to have you as a friend. You see, I tell everyone about you as though I am a proud mother. My heart races with excitement when you tell me that you want to hang out with me. You are the only friend that is still around here that I feel really comfortable with and I hate that I don't tell you often enough how amazing you are. I remember all of the great times we have had together. I smile with a slight laugh and my eyes well up because of the joy in my heart from those memories. You are a girl after the Lord's heart and I have never seen anything so beautiful. You are my best friend and don't ever forget it! When I am engaged one day, you will be the first on the list to know. You will be at my wedding. You will be there when I have babies and heck maybe you will be a godmother. I want you in my life; for the rest of my life. I love you so much I hope you know. You are like my baby sister and I don't know what I would do without you.

May the Lord bless you and keep you close.

Your sister, Lauren

I Give You My Heart

John 16:33 says, "I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace, in this world, you will have trouble but take heart! I have overcome the world." Before Christ shares this, he was teaching about the vine and the branches and then about Him leaving this place and going back to the Father. This is one of those verses that I go back to time and time again.

Last semester was one of the hardest ones I have gone through in awhile. You would think my parents getting a divorce, my dad verbally abusing me, or an awful breakup would have been worse, but I would tell you they were about the same. During those times, I remembered the peace that Christ provides for us and the truth about who we are; children of Christ - His beloved. Through all of those hard times in life, Christ took the broken pieces of my heart and held it together.

This time, there wasn't anyone else in the picture; no one that "caused" my problems - not that all of those things that happened were not partially my fault. This is where your English teacher would talk about Man vs. Self. which is really the worst. You can't really confront yourself.

College has sucked. I don't know how else to put it. The Lord spoiled me so much with such great fellowship in high school and now, with most of my best friends gone, except for a few very special people, I feel so lonely. I imagine that this is how Adam felt when he spent what would have probably been years in the garden naming animals and not having anyone like him to share a laugh with. Thankfully, I have been able to grow closer with some really awesome high schoolers that have beautiful hearts. This has been such an encouragement to me.

The Lord has been teaching me that sometimes, like Adam, we have to be patient and wait for the things He has for us. "He has made everything beautiful in it's time" Ecclesiastes 3:11. I have faith that something unexpectedly magnificent will come of this time. This will soon become a chapter in my life that I look back on and praise the Lord for what He has done just as I do with the other chapters of my life.

Lord, show me your Glory. You have my heart.

Love, Lauren