I used to get migraine headaches religiously in middle school. My doctor told me it was probably coming from the stresses of learning how to live in that chaotic period of life. He told me that when you get really stressed and don't have a way to release the tension, your body shuts down and you get a severe headache that is supposed to relieve your body of the stress you're holding on to. I started getting them again around the time my parents got divorced and when I was going through a bad break-up. Those headaches have come back yet again to haunt me. I had one today. My body was ready to release the stresses of yesterday.
I have recently run into my ex-boyfriend (who we will call bob) way more than I really ever wanted. Its been about two years now since we broke up and the horrors of it still harass me. I do not wish to share any specifics about what happened; my purpose is not to bash him because I was not perfect either. My reason for this post is to share with you the freedom that Christ has to offer us. I will tell you though that through the breakup, my self-esteem was put through the garbage disposal with name calling and lies about who he thought I was. It took a good year to become confident in who I was in Christ and to be honest, I still occasionally struggle with it.
I met a guy in my Calc class that just happens to be one of Bob's good friends. He seemed to think that it would be a good idea to share with me a few of the things that Bob had said about me. One of the things that stuck was that I was some "crazy freak woman." Thinking about this now sort of makes me laugh. Bob had been more creative than that in the past. I know I'm not crazy. I may be a little bit quirky; but who isn't? Anyway, for whatever reason, this really got to me. Satan had a field day in my head. He took that one lie and made hundreds from it. I had to skip my Calc class this morning to write a paper that I wasn't able to write the day before because of the condition of my mind. After talking to a few people about what was going on, I'm realizing more and more that the Lord is keeping Bob in my life so that I can truly forgive him and move on. I have been holding on to this anger and fear of him and though it's not something that I think about often, it's still there. He is showing me that there is no reason to fear Bob; for I have the Lord and He has overcome the world (John 16:33). I am learning to cast these lies at the foot of the cross. Satan is no longer welcome to control this situation; he has lost the battle.
Today, I got to spend some time with one of my best friends who has such a loving heart that she was willing to rub my back for three hours while I tried to sleep the migraine off. She sent me this message:
"Lauren's a crazy lady?
that must be why I spent 3 hours giving her a back massage today when she wasn't feeling good, why I try to text her every night about my devo readings, why I'd rather photograph her downtown instead of her taking pictures of me, why we have breakfast and fellowship at Panera every Wednesday morning, why she's read blog posts I'll never ever post, why she's freaking beautiful, why she never hesitates to hang out with us, why we have the best car rides jamming to music, why she loves us so much, and why we love her SO FREAKING MUCH!
yeah, she's gotta be one serious nutcase."
Thank you for the reminder of those that do love me! And in case you didn't know, the Bible is a great place to find the truth about who Christ says you are. Christ came and died and rose again so that we could be free and not tied down by the lies of this world. Fly with Christ and in the freedom that He has given you.
"If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free." John 8:31-32
